Relationship, relationship relationship
Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you will ever make – far more crucial than choosing a job, house or group of friends. All the decisions you make will be together, you’ll have to sleep next to them every night and you’ll still have to love them when you’re both old and wrinkly. A glance at the twenty first century marriages reveals an appalling image that makes the matrimony a dare. One ventricle reveals an ever increasing divorce cases while another shows a marriage full of daily fights over pertinent issues and yet another ventricle portrays a union which one party is only enduring maybe because of the children. Many indeed have succeeded in building big houses but failed to build lasting homes. Many have succeeded travelling far and wide but wanders away from home.
Sometimes I look at couples and I begin to wonder, did they ever told one another, ’till death do us part?’ , did they ever mentioned to one another, ‘you’re the best thing that ever happened to me’, did they for once embraced each other proclaiming, ‘in sickness and in health, for better, for worse’. The obvious answer to all my dilemma is a big YES. Then I realized the problem is not with the honeymoon but rather the selection criterion. The problem is not when they met but how they met. The problem is not about their being together but rather the problem is about what brought them together.
What is/are your yardsticks for choosing a life’s partner, what greenlights do you look out for before you say I DO? What attracts you to the opposite sex, is it the beautiful look?, is it the stature? Is it the personality? Or it’s the intelligence? Or for you anything goes😎.
In this special piece, we’ll look at the pros and cons of some selection traits when it comes to choosing a life’s partner.
Recently, a new word has come to my attention that describes what often draws peoples to the opposite sex. That word is “sapiosexuality.” As defined by Urban Dictionary, a sapiosexual person is someone who finds intelligence and the human mind to be the most sexually attractive feature for a potential sexual relationship. The origin of the word comes from the term “sapiens,” which means wise or judicious, as well as the word “sexual.”
The word ‘sapio’ is derived from a Latin word which means intelligence and good sense. Thus, sapiosexual is defined as a person who is sexually attracted to another person by their intelligence above all other factors.A sapiosexual can be defined as a person who thrives purely on intellectual exchange, and it is this intellectual exchange that finally leads to sexuality. A sapiosexual is also called a sapiophile.Indeed, chemistry between people plays a huge part in our relationships, but there are also certain personality characteristics that draw us to one another.
Those who are sapiosexual are stimulated or challenged by the way another person thinks. They are basically in love with the mind. Sometimes, sapiosexual individuals have also been called “nymphobrainiacs,” or individuals who find it arousing to engage with the intellectual perspective of another person. To some, the word nymphobrainiac sounds a bit extreme or pathological.
According to Mark Banschick, M.D., in his article,”What Makes Something Sexy?” an individual’s personality is very important to sexiness. He uses Plato’s dialogue in The Symposium as an example. The main character, Socrates, had no money, no position, and no looks, but what he did have was charisma and brilliance. This is sure proof that the nature of relationships has not changed over the years. Thus, we can safely assume that the sapiosexual draws to potential sexual partners, goes back more than 2,500 years.
Let me interject that sapiosexuality cross the borders of academic and educational boundaries and and intersects the areas of artistic prowes, mingled with exceptional skills and also borders on one’s ability to make sound judgement leading to taking innovative decisions. It doesn’t focus on recall power but centres on creative thinking.
What are the signs of a sapiosexual?
Being a sapiosexual is not so much an acquired trait as it is an inborn feature of one’s personality.
Some signs that indicate a person may be sapiosexual include:
- Individuals who prefer book stores over bars:
- Individuals who like having witty conversations rather than boring conversations:
- Individuals who prefer silence over small talk:
- Individuals who prefer substance over other factors: Sapiosexuals don’t like to just be in places or do things just because others are doing it.
- Individuals who prefer people with similar taste: Sapiosexuals, as mentioned earlier, don’t follow or like things which are necessarily popular. They have their own taste and like doing things that interest them.
- A sapiosexual couple is more likely to end up in a marriage or a lifelong relationship since it is the union of similar minds and not just physical attraction. Nowadays, there are so many relationships that don’t last long, since people look for things in their partners that need not necessarily last long like physical features, wealth, etc. An intelligent mind will last as long as a person lives, and if a person is attracted to this quality, then it is possible for such a couple to grow stronger in their union. They can have engaging conversations with each other and not get bored of each other’s company.
- It is still very important for a sapiosexual person to be selective when choosing a mate. Sapiosexuals should not just be with anyone who is intelligent, they should choose someone who they can connect with and converse with.
Another inborn trait of sexuality is called pansexuality defined by the urban dictionary as
One who can love sexuality in many forms. Like bisexuality, but even more fluid, a pansexual person can love not only the traditional male and female genders, but also transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid people.(request for the full article on this @firstname.lastname@example.org.
And yet another sexuality trait that catches my attention among the myriads of them is the term demisexuality
Demisexuals define themselves as people who become sexually attracted to someone the longer and deeper they know them. Demisexuals need to be close to a potential partner, they need the element of friendship in order to access their sexual desire.The notion of “love at first sight” or chemistry the way that we think about it — an instant dopamine hit — does not exist for this population.
Let’s say a female Demisexual in college makes a male friend; they study together in biology class, they hang out and watch movies together and he thinks she’s just a friend, but over time she begins to feel a sexual attraction to him as a result of their friendship.
For people on the receiving end of attraction from a Demisexual, they may not even know it, as they thought the terms of engagement were simply friendship. That woman from biology class didn’t just see a guy across the room and feel her heart beating. So for individuals who find themselves engaged with a Demisexual, the evolution of the friendship into something romantic can feel like a bait-and-switch.
No matter your inborn sexual trait, the ordeal that comes with choosing a life partner should never be handled sole by genetics. There are more to relationships than just mere chemistry, there are more to building a happy home than feelings, likes and wants. If you really want to have a lasting relationship and subsequently a happy marriage, then you need a combination of several factors to consider.
The prerequisite for choosing a marriage partner is not love, the first indicator to entering a serious relationship is not chemistry or any physical feature like appearance, stature and accent. But instead, the entering reason for starting any relationship that will last is one word-AGREEMENT. I’m not talking about agreement to your proposal so your crush who might be playing ‘hard to get’ might be your soulmate, just press further😸. The agreement, should be on core or pertinent issues of life, for indeed how can two walk together except, they agreed.
Another is flexibility, you see no matter how smart you think you are, once in a while you’ll b e like a jerk, your plans might be awkward at times. Your decision might not always be right. Unbending people are one of the most difficult to deal with because they turn to think their always right. Look out for flexibility.
Also, wisdom, knowledge and understanding are indispensable if really want to build a happy relationship. Knowledge tell you what to do, wisdom reveals how how and when to do it, understanding gives you the prognosis of the repercussions for what is to be done. This three are key for your home.
Sensitivity. Aside agreement, this is my favorite indicator, you see, if you’re like me, it’s not everything that you need that you can speak out unless it overwhelmed you. You therefore needs a person that will be sensitive to your needs and figure them out.
Direction in terms of goals and visions are crucial in relationship. The hack is this, if the two of you are moving in the same direction, fights and personal differences won’t be able to separate you from seeing each other.
Choose wisely, work on yourself more, expect less, give more, add value to your partner’s life, laugh more, pick your battles wisely, forgive easily, don’t be mad for too long and never forget to say the three magic words-I LOVE YOU💏💑👫👫